How to give a spanking

How to give a spanking

If you’ve never done it before, giving a spanking can be quite challenging. How do I begin? How hard can I hit? How hard should I hit? When is the spanking over? This page will give you my advice about how to give a spanking.

Please note that I refer to the spankee as a “she” but there’s no reason why this can’t be a “he”. It’s just that I usually play with a lady in the role of spankee so I am most familiar with that. These guidelines are just to get you started. When you gain experience, you’ll be able to successfully improvise.

Spanking is not beating

While the two activities may seem outwardly similar, there are important differences between giving someone a good spanking and beating someone. Just as everyone can beat a drum but not everyone is a skilled percussionist, everyone can beat an ass but not everyone can deliver a good spanking. Spanking is a skill that requires practice and experience.

Another important difference is that a beating is usually not something a person undergoes voluntarily while a good spanking is done with consent. Even if the person on the receiving end may feel like they want the spanking to stop when it is taking place, they have at least agreed to undergo it and can stop it when they choose.

A very important distinction between spanking and beating is that a spanking is done with consent.

A third important difference is that a beating is usually done harshly, with full force and with little or no regard for the person on the receiving end. In fact, a beating may be about inflicting a maximum amount of damage. A spanking is quite different in nature. While it may hurt, it is delivered with care and consideration for the person on the receiving end. The force behind the strokes is carefully dosed to the tolerance level of the spankee.

Fourthly, a beating is usually dished out, out of anger. It is fueled by rage and maybe hatred. It is violent, explosive and most of the time is short-lived. Again, a spanking between consenting adults is very different. It should never be done in anger, with violence. It can last a long time too. I have done sessions well in excess of 3 hours and although these were not non-stop spankings, a lot of swats landed in that time period.

We can say now that a good spanking has a number of characteristics:

  • It is given with skill
  • It is done with the consent of the spankee
  • It is done with care and consideration
  • It hurts but not too much
  • It is done in a calm and controlled manner

How to give a spanking?

Now we know what a good spanking should be like, it’s time to see how to give a spanking. This can be a problem for people because it can be an awkward transition. How do you go from two adult talking to two adults engaging in spanking? It helps to have a sort of “bridge moment” that facilitates moving between the two states. Usually the spankee expects the person giving the spanking to take the lead and that’s perfectly acceptable here.

A good way to bridge the awkward moment is to wait for a pause in the conversation and to stand up or put your drink down in a determined manner and ask her if she needs to use the bathroom before you get started, announcing that when she comes back, the spanking will begin. You can also excuse yourself for a bathroom break and say that when you return, the spanking will begin. Or when she’s finished her drink, ask if she’d like a refill or would like to begin. What ever way you choose, this will give both of you time to mentally prepare.

Over my knee!

A great way to begin a spanking, is to instruct the spankee to go over your knee. With you giving this instruction and the spankee complying, your roles have become very clear. You could be seated on a chair or on the edge of the bed for this. The latter is certainly more comfortable and perhaps less threatening for the spankee. With the spankee in place and reasonably comfortable, adjust her clothing so that it is straight and smooth over her bottom. This isn’t absolutely necessary but helps her prepare and establishes the situation for both of you. Now gently pat her bottom to warn her and then begin the actual spanking. Don’t hit hard at this point, just gentle slaps. She should feel them and they should sting a little but at this point, everything should be tolerable with ease.

While it’s possible to spend a small fortune on interesting spanking toys, one of the best, most versatile toys can be found at the end of your wrist. That’s right, your hand is a great tool for spanking someone. It offers you great control, allows you to feel the warmth of her bottom cheeks developing and it provides you with great feedback on how hard your swats are. Your hand will experience the impact just as her cheeks do. For beginners and inexperienced players, there’s really nothing better.

Gradually increase the force behind your spanks but be sure to pause briefly regularly. When you can actually feel some warmth developing through her pants/skirt, it’s time to proceed further. We’re going to remove a layer of protection now. The skirt should be flipped up or the pants should come down. With less protection, the spanks sting more, of course. This is something you need to keep in mind but you should not lessen the force behind your spanks. Her bottom cheeks are warmed up a little and she’ll most likely be able to handle them. 

When her cheeks feel nice and warm to the touch, it’s time to proceed to one of my favorite moments of any spanking: the time when her panties come down. If you’ve done well, this should reveal a nicely reddened bottom. It’s my opinion that a spanking works best on a bare bottom because it allows me to see exactly how she’s doing. With her bottom finally bared, it’s time spank more and harder. Place your spanks all over her bottom but make sure you smack the top of her thighs a few times as well. This ensures she’ll feel it when she sits down and that’s something many spankees want.

Showing impressive redness on her lovely bottom but nothing excessive

Why so slow?

What’s wrong with just yanking someone’s clothes down, putting her over your knee and smacking her bottom cherry-red right away? Well, as long as you have consent, there’s nothing really wrong with that. However, it does not allow her body to adjust to what’s happening and will make the spanking more painful. By going slow and building up te intensity, her body adjusts to the pain and she’ll be able to handle more, allowing for a much longer and eventually harder spanking. It’s all because of how the human body reacts to pain. See this page for more information on that.

Going slow also greatly reduces the risk of bruising, allowing her bottom to heal faster and can be an important factor for people who may not want others to notice they’ve been spanked.

Warming up the bottom is definitely worth it

Beyond the basics

Once you’ve got the basics down, you can experiment with this method to see what works for you and a particular spankee. Some people bruise easily, meaning they need more warm up and/or less hard spanks. Others may find this too slow and want to increase the intensity quicker. Others, who are looking for punishment spankings, may forego most of the warm-up altogether. None of that is wrong as long as you have the skill, consent, use care and consideration and do things in a calm and controlled manner.

Another thing you should definitely do, is vary the speed, placement and intensity of the spanks. A spanking that is monotonous and predictable is boring. Mix it up, play with it, have fun! Change from rapid spanks to slow, hard ones. Don’t switch cheeks after each spank but deliver three or more before switching. Suddenly delay an expected swat or make it land on an unexpected place. Keep her guessing.

A spanking that is monotonous and predictable is boring.

It’s okay to joke, laugh and have fun while playing this way. A spanking doesn’t have to be punishment or a deadly serious affair. You can spank for any reason or no reason at all. Even if you do spank for punishment and it turns into a fun spanking, that’s okay. Don’t get stuck in a rut!

When to stop

Obviously, when your partner uses her safeword, you should stop immediately. But in all other cases, how do you know that the spanking is over? If you spank for punishment, some say they look for tears or for true remorse. Those are reasonably reliable indicators that the spankee gets the message. If there’s no punishment involved, things are not as clear but not to worry: just because you stopped, doesn’t mean you can’t start again! I’ve played many fun sessions where after a break and a refreshment, the spankee asks for more, wants to try a different instrument or position or something. Often, the end of a session is due to time constraints, not because the spankee can’t handle more. With time, you learn when the spanking ends and the spankee is satisfied. And some spankees are simply insatiable and keep asking for more of the cane even.


Superman, no aftercare?

One thing you should never forget, is aftercare. Don’t be like Superman here, be there for your spankee. I can’t stress this enough! A spanking can be quite an emotional event, even if it wasn’t about discipline at all. The release of endorphins in the bloodstream during the spanking gives a sense of euphoria and coming down from that high can make a spankee feel suddenly sad. Others may be on cloud nine and disoriented. Regardless of how your spankee is doing, never just leave them after a spanking. Be there to take care. Talk, hug, cuddle, rub a sore bottom with soothing lotion, have a drink, these are all good ways to let her know you care about her.

Personally, I love those moments just after a spanking session. I often take a spankee over my knee while I am sitting on the bed and rub a cooling lotion over her sore cheeks. It is a very tender and intimate moment with a spankee still drifting on a cloud of endorphins, pleasurable sensations and a feeling of total relaxation. There’s nothing quite like it.

Never forget about aftercare

So now you know how to give a spanking, why not give it a try? It’s a lot of fun when done right. Let me know how it goes!

The infographics on this page were created by Arkham Insanity and are used here with permission. Thanks!

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