Spanking FAQ

Frequently asked questions about spanking

I have received these questions, either via email or as asks on my Tumblr blog. Hopefully your question is answered here. If not, there’s a contact form at the bottom of the page!

Isn’t spanking just a form of abuse?

No, there’s a very important difference when talking about spanking between adults: consent. Any form of spanking without consent is abuse, as far as I am concerned. Spanking between two consenting adults isn’t.

You’re just a male, chauvinist pig / You just hate women / etc.

I am not a male chauvinist at all. That I am not a pig is obvious, I think. Pigs do not have websites, for one. I do not believe that men are superior to women (nor do I believe the opposite for that matter). To me, the so called “battle of the sexes” is nonsense of the first order. Men and women need each other, period. While men and women are not the same, they are equal in all things. Women are just as capable as men to make decisions and live their own lives. With the exception of certain obvious biological functions, a woman can do anything a man can do and vice versa. Women and men should be treated as equals by the law, by companies, by institutions, period.

Why are you promoting violence against women?

I do not promote violence against women. Quite the contrary, actually. I feel no woman (or man for that matter) should be spanked or otherwise punished unless she has a desire for such treatment and has consented to it. I do not spank women who don’t want me to. All the women I have spanked, gave me their consent. They willingly submitted to the procedure. Consensual spanking is a lot like driving in that way. You earn a permit to drive by taking lessons and an exam. If you pass, you are granted a permit and the privilege to drive. If you abuse your driving privileges, they can be revoked. If you wish to spank a woman, you first need to earn her trust, prove to her that you are worthy of her trust. Then, she may grant you the privilege of spanking her. If you abuse that privilege, she can and should take it away. Abusing her trust disqualifies you!

Doesn’t that mean that actually, the woman is in control of things? Yes, she is! She decides if she wants to submit, she decides who it is that gets the privilege of spanking her. And at any point that she is not comfortable with things, she has the right and obligation to say so.

Do you believe that women are inferior to men?

I most certainly do not view women as inferior to men, as I already explained above. Submission is a gift a woman may give to a man (or the other way around). Submission is a decision on the part of the submissive to surrender control to a dominant person, usually within a certain set of boundaries. Submission implies a freedom to choose. Submission can never be taken, it can only be given. So for a woman to submit to a man, she has to be his equal, has to have the freedom to make the choice of submitting to him. A woman’s submission to a man is not the natural state of things, is not the way some god decided for us long ago but her choice alone. The idea that some humans are inherently superior to some other humans is one of the most dangerous ideas in our history.

Are you a sadist?

I am no sadist. I do not delight in simply giving other people pain. I do not spank a woman because I want to cause her pain. Obviously, yes, a spanking hurts. It can hurt a lot. That is the point, but not the objective. Usually, in a punishment setting, the pain is a means towards an end. The end is often forgiveness, cleansing, healing. It can also be a form of atonement or payment for committed trespasses, be they real or imagined. I don’t delight in the pain but I delight in the closeness that forms between two people who participate in the spanking. If it were just the pain that excited me, I might as well punch someone in the stomach, use electricity, burn them with cigarettes. I do none of those things.

Would you spank someone under the age of consent?

This question has come up quite a number of times, usually as an anonymous Ask on my Tumblr blog. The answer of course is: no, I would never spank someone under the age of consent in the Netherlands, which is 18. I actually prefer a spankee to be a little older than that. So don’t even ask. In fact, people who strike me as suspicious will be reported to the authorities.

What is your favourite position/implement?

I am very fond of the traditional over the knee position, since it positions the bottom so nicely. Also, I like to see a young lady bend over my knee. There is just something very special in that act of submission that I like. Although pulling someone over the knee can also be fun. I like to experiment with positions as well.
I love to give hand spankings. But if an implement is called for, I like the domestic kind: brushes, large wooden spoons, slippers, etc. I like to look for what I call “pervertibles”. Every day things that can be used safely for spanking. Think an extra thick leather belt. I have this spatula that’s made especially for getting little pizzas out of the oven. It has never come into contact with a pizza.
That’s not to say I will never use a paddle or even a cane. I have a special love for the cane. The ritual, the sound it makes as it travels through the air, the sound it makes upon impact…incredible.

How did you get into spanking?

I don’t know how I came to like spanking. I just know that I always have, for as long as I can remember. If you mean how I started with spanking, that’s explained on this page.

Would you give me a spanking?

Possibly. If you are of legal age, a woman and have a serious interest in being spanked, please see this page for my contact details. I look forward to hearing from you!

Do you think a girl should cry when she is spanked?

No, I have never spanked a lady with the intention of making her cry. That’s just not my style. If tears come, they come. If not, they don’t. It’s my intention that both she and I have a good time (as far as you can have a good time while getting your bottom spanked).
It has happened during a punishment spanking that someone started crying, more from the emotional turmoil and release than from the actual spanking and that is perfectly okay. It is just never my goal.

Do you expect a spankee to take her panties down or do you do it for her?

Interestingly, as much as I like taking her panties down, I think I may like her doing it herself just a bit more. I like to see that very short moment where she has to fight her own modesty and surrender to my demand, that she bares herself because I tell her to. Baring herself equals accepting the inevitable spanking that follows and I like to see that confirmation too.
That being said, I change things to the situation. Some girls want that little bit of added embarrassment. Other girls want to feel controlled. So the first may have to bare themselves, while the second have their bottoms bared by me. Nothing is set in stone.

My partner doesn’t spank me the way I want/need. How do I fix that?

I get this question quite often but it’s not easy to answer. I don’t know your relationship, what you expect and if your partner can go along with this.
My most important advice as always is: communicate. Talking about it is the best way to inform your partner about what you want and need. As difficult or embarrassing as it may be, remember that your partner isn’t clairvoyant.
What may also help, is to watch video clips, photos or stories together. Point out the things that appeal to you or that you think are exciting.
Does your partner not spank hard and/or long enough? Then it may help to playfully challenge him/her by saying things like “It doesn’t hurt anyway” or “I won’t do as you tell me”. For your partner, this is a clear signal that you need more without criticizing their performance.
However, it is important to remember that your partner isn’t a “spanking machine”. Every person will have their limits and tolerance and you will have to respect those. If your partner really doesn’t like hurting you, then he or she will not be able to go along with your wishes.

Do you have a question that you’d like to see answered? Please fill in the form below and I’ll address it!

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