Tips for safely meeting people

On this page you’ll find a collection of tips for safely meeting people from the Internet. It will hopefully help you to stay safe when meeting and dealing with spankers/disciplinarians. It’s my sincere hope that you’ll never have to rely on any of this but in a worst case scenario, these tips could save your life.

Tips for safely meeting people

First time meeting

When you have met someone on the Internet, exchanged messages, chatted, etc. there will come a moment (if everything has gone right) when you will want to meet that person in real life. Of course this is an exciting time, however it is no time to forget about your personal safety. In fact, it now becomes more important than ever!

A word of caution

Your desire to fulfil what is perhaps a lifelong dream and fantasy, may cloud your judgement at this point. Don’t meet too soon with someone, it’s recommended to get to know someone first, to form something of a friendship. Someone who is safe and worth your time will allow and probably even encourage this. Don’t play games but feel free to test his (or her) patience.

The purpose of this first meeting is to establish that the person you are speaking to is indeed who he says he is and to try and establish if you can trust him enough to meet him again in private for a spanking session. If at any time during this meeting you get a bad feeling, this should caution you. Try and find out what is causing this bad feeling but even if you can’t do that, I would strongly suggest that you do not meet with this person again. Often, your brain will pick up subtle clues subconsciously which you should not ignore. Better safe than sorry!

it is more likely that you will come across a selfish guy than someone dangerous. These precautions are just smart to use in the event you seriously misjudged the situation. You should never proceed, even with a well lit public introductory meeting if you are at all fearful. And, you should still take these precautions if you feel very comfortable. It can’t hurt and someone who is safe and cares for you, will accept and encourage you making yourself safe.


Remember, you know virtually nothing about this person other than what he has shared with you in Internet communication. Unfortunately, it is quite easy to pretend to be someone you are not online. So please take some precautions before agreeing to meet someone. 

Many smart phones have built in safety features that allow you to alert trusted contacts that you are in danger. You can trigger such an alarm without being obvious but be sure to test it before you have to rely on it. Here is how to enable this feature on Apple iPhone. For Android, it’s different for most makes and models so you’ll have to research it on your own, I’m afraid. There also apps that help keep you safe.

  1. Meet in a public place.
    I can not stress the importance of this enough. Never agree to meet at his house or invite him to your place for a first meeting. Choose a location that you know will be crowded or at least have other people present. Choose a restaurant, cafe, coffee shop or some other location. Preferably, meet during daylight hours.
  2. Meet in a crowded area.
    Agree to meet in an area where there are many businesses, shops, bars and restaurants. Park your car far enough away where you can get lost in the crowd before getting in your car. You could maybe even do a little shopping or something to kill a little time before returning to your car. You don’t want him to see your licence plate, and it would be highly beneficial to get his plate number if at all possible. Even a rental car will offer information if you note the date and time it was in his possession. You certainly don’t want him able to follow you on the way home.
  3. Tell someone where you will be going.
    Explain you are meeting someone from the Internet. If possible, bring along a trusted friend. They don’t need to be sitting at the same table as you but should be able to observe you.
    You can compose an email to be scheduled to be sent to a trusted friend with critical information in it to help law enforcement if you seriously misjudged the situation. This email should include any helpful information like the place you met online with usernames included, the place you’re meeting in public with the time you met, and hopefully any other identifying information you can provide. Schedule it to send shortly after you expect the meeting to end. Then set an alarm to cancel the message so you don’t forget. I’d also recommend an establishment you know will have cameras. In other words, don’t meet in a dark and smokey neighborhood bar.
  4. Do not accept offers from him to either pick you up or drop you off
    You do not yet want to be alone with this person.
  5. During the meeting, feel free to question him.
    He is the one who needs to convince you that he is to be trusted.
  6. If at all possible, arrange a “safety call.
    At least tell someone trustworthy where you will be going. You don’t need to reveal it is about spanking, you could just say you are meeting someone you know from the Internet.
  7. Leave the meeting point together and then say goodbye outside or leave before him.
    Make sure he does not follow you to your car or other mode of transportation.
  8. Do not tell him what you think during the meeting.
    Only let him know after you come home. This will prevent a scene in case he can not handle rejection well.
  9. If at any point in the meeting you feel uncomfortable, excuse yourself and leave.
    Make sure others see you. You do not need to explain yourself or make excuses. Be polite yet firm and leave. Again, make sure you are not followed.

Warning signs

Below is a simple list of warning signs that should help to tell you if you are dealing with a potential predator instead of someone who is safe. Please note that this is not an exhaustive list and that you should always use your own discretion.

  • The person you are dealing with keeps probing you for personal information.
    This is a clear red flag and you would do well to break of contact with this person. He does not need to know your address, your place of work or your measurements to ascertain whether you are a suitable spankee for him. It’s especially worrisome if he doesn’t offer personal details himself.
  • The person you are dealing with keeps asking you for photos, often revealing photos. Again, a clear warning. A person who is only interested in how you look (naked) is probably looking for wanking material and not interested in giving you what you need. You also have no idea where those photos may end up. Cameras and cell phones often add location information to the photos so unless you know how to turn such functions off, you will also be revealing your location.
  • The person you are dealing with pushes you where you do not want to go, does not give you room to present your wishes and limits. Stop contacting this person immediately. Any disciplinarian who adheres to the principles of safe, sane and consensual will allow you to stipulate your limits and explain your needs. Even if he does allow you to explain your needs and limits, it’s no good if he then ignores them. Stay away from such a person.
  • The person you are dealing with uses emotional blackmail or tries to force you to agree to something. Words like “any true spankee would bare her bottom” or “any real sub would agree to undress herself” have no place in the relationship between spanker and spankee. Any disciplinarian who adheres to the principles of safe, sane and consensual will respect your limits at all times and would not attempt to force your consent.
  • The person you are dealing with keeps pushing for a meeting. You should never agree to meet with someone if you do not feel comfortable with that idea. You determine when you are ready to meet and no one can determine that for you.
  • If they object to you using certain safety precautions like the ones explained on these pages, do not meet with this person. You have every right to ensure your own safety and anyone objecting to that is potentially dangerous.

If you have more tips to add, please feel free to leave a comment. Safety is vitally important.

2 Replies to “Tips for safely meeting people”

  1. I am a man and always encourage safety with new partners. In fact, sometimes my advice spooks a potential partner. So, I have learned to give certain tidbits of advice until after we’ve met and she’s gotten to know me better.

    [The tips given by Top Jimmy have been incorporated in the page text, so as not to have tips in the comments and tips in the page. – Admin

    Should anyone wish to ask me anything about any of this, I have a profile on as Top_Jimmy. You can get to know a little bit about me that way before you say hi. I also use Google Hangouts where you can find me using the email but email me at if you wish to email as the gmail account isn’t really monitored. I’m also on several other instant message platforms but if you want to find out which you’ll have to email me. Again, I’ve been at this a while.

    Best Wishes,

    1. Hi TJ,

      Your tips are all good as are your words of wisdom. I have included your tips in the text of the page, so as not to have tips in the main text and tips scattered in the comments. Thank you for your contribution and advice to help keep spankees safe. We need safe and caring tops out there!


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