Tips for safely meeting people

On this page you’ll find a collection of tips for safely meeting people from the Internet. It will hopefully help you to stay safe when meeting and dealing with spankers/disciplinarians. It’s my sincere hope that you’ll never have to rely on any of this but in a worst case scenario, these tips could save your life.

Tips for safely meeting people

First time meeting

When you have met someone on the Internet, exchanged messages, chatted, etc. there will come a moment (if everything has gone right) when you will want to meet that person in real life. Of course this is an exciting time, however it is no time to forget about your personal safety. In fact, it now becomes more important than ever!

The purpose of this first meeting is to establish that the person you are speaking to is indeed who he says he is and to try and establish if you can trust him enough to meet him again in private for a spanking session. If at any time during this meeting you get a bad feeling, this should caution you. Try and find out what is causing this bad feeling but even if you can’t do that, I would strongly suggest that you do not meet with this person again. Often, your brain will pick up subtle clues subconsciously which you should not ignore. Better safe than sorry!

Remember, you know virtually nothing about this person other than what he has shared with you in Internet communication. Unfortunately, it is quite easy to pretend to be someone you are not online. So please take some precautions before agreeing to meet someone. 

Many smart phones have built in safety features that allow you to alert trusted contacts that you are in danger. You can trigger such an alarm without being obvious but be sure to test it before you have to rely on it. Here is how to enable this feature on Apple iPhone. For Android, it’s different for most makes and models so you’ll have to research it on your own, I’m afraid. There also apps that help keep you safe.

  1. Meet in a public place. I can not stress the importance of this enough. Never agree to meet at his house or invite him to your place for a first meeting. Choose a location that you know will be crowded or at least have other people present. Choose a restaurant, cafe, coffee shop or some other location. Preferably, meet during daylight hours.
  2. Tell someone where you will be going and that you are meeting someone from the Internet. If possible, bring along a trusted friend. They don’t need to be sitting at the same table as you but should be able to observe you.
  3. Do not accept offers from him to either pick you up or drop you off on your way home. You do not yet want to be alone with this person.
  4. During the meeting, feel free to question him. He is the one who needs to convince you that he is to be trusted.
  5. If at all possible, arrange a “safety call or at least tell someone trustworthy where you will be going. You don’t need to reveal it is about spanking, you could just say you are meeting someone you know from the Internet.
  6. Leave the meeting point together and then say goodbye outside or leave before him but whatever you do, make sure he does not follow you.
  7. Do not tell him what you think during the meeting, only let him know after you come home. This will prevent a scene in case he can not handle rejection well.
  8. If at any point in the meeting you feel uncomfortable, excuse yourself and leave, making sure others see you. Again, make sure you are not followed.

Warning signs

Below is a simple list of warning signs that should help to tell you if you are dealing with a potential predator instead of someone who is safe. Please note that this is not an exhaustive list and that you should always use your own discretion.

  • The person you are dealing with keeps probing you for personal information.
    This is a clear red flag and you would do well to break of contact with this person. He does not need to know your address, your place of work or your measurements to ascertain whether you are a suitable spankee for him. It’s especially worrisome if he doesn’t offer personal details himself.
  • The person you are dealing with keeps asking you for photos, often revealing photos. Again, a clear warning. A person who is only interested in how you look (naked) is probably looking for wanking material and not interested in giving you what you need. You also have no idea where does photos may end up. Cameras and cell phones often add location information to the photos so unless you know how to turn such functions off, you will also be revealing your location.
  • The person you are dealing with pushes you where you do not want to go, does not give you room to present your wishes and limits. Stop contacting this person immediately. Any disciplinarian who adheres to the principles of safe, sane and consensual will allow you to stipulate your limits and explain your needs. Even if he does allow you to explain your needs and limits, it’s no good if he then ignores them. Stay away from such a person.
  • The person you are dealing with uses emotional blackmail or tries to force you to agree to something. Words like “any true spankee would bare her bottom” or “any real sub would agree to undress herself” have no place in the relationship between spanker and spankee. Any disciplinarian who adheres to the principles of safe, sane and consensual will respect your limits at all times and would not attempt to force your consent.
  • The person you are dealing with keeps pushing for a meeting. You should never agree to meet with someone if you do not feel comfortable with that idea. You determine when you are ready to meet and no one can determine that for you.
  • If they object to you using certain safety precautions like the ones explained on these pages, do not meet with this person. You have every right to ensure your own safety and anyone objecting to that is potentially dangerous.

If you have more tips to add, please feel free to leave a comment. Safety is vitally important.

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